Persistence and Procrastination

These are two words I've learned and felt this year.

They are two opposite words.
When one is there, the other disappears.
If you get to start with one, you could never end up with the other.

Each of them kills the other!
You can never tell which is the stronger.

But, they both has to have a motive.
The first is powered by passion and will.
The second is powered by laziness and luxury.

The first is good. The second is evil. They are both inside you.
And there's always a fight between good and evil. Let the Good win.

Only one of them could be the dominant, and the other will need many and many trainings. When it's the second, never rest till you train the first. When it's the first, thank God and take cautions of the second.

The first, because it's good, brings all the good in life with it.
But the second, because it's evil, kills everything in life that faces it, like it likes to be the only thing living.

Fight for the good and kill procrastination before it kills you.

Be in control and start with Persistence. Work on the motives.

May God be with you. :)

Surprizingly

I opened up to the only person I thought I'm not going to trust anymore! And it seemed to be the most right thing that could have been done.


I had amazing moments just after I had my weakest.


I'm already there, without even remembering how did I get there. I got everything I wished for and dreamed about. So, it's my time to shine, my time to live.


I'm truly blessed! 


Al hamdul-Allah :)


Now, I hope things stay this way a bit longer this time. I'm holding up as much as I can stand. And I'm planning to stand more than before. Inshaa'Allah. :)

Memories

Everyday passes is a day to become a memory for the next day.

And today I've been through memories.

Today I called an old friend, a very dear old friend of mine, to wish him a happy birthday. :)
Though we don't talk much, we actually don't talk at all, but we still remember each other on the special occasions. It's such a valuable relation. It's something to be proud of. something that amazes me. For I know him for eight years by now!  He's someone who enriched my life with so many. He is like a brother to me.
One way or another I have to think about it this way, I wouldn't have been who I am right now if he wasn't in my life. Thanks for being part of my life. :)

Today I found my thirteen years old dairy. I had a dairy where I told my stories when I was thirteen! Remembering that made me impressed. For how could I forget the wonderful things I had in my life. Thanks for you, diary, to make me remember, thanks for the thirteen years old me.
My handwriting was a disaster. I couldn't believe! The way I wrote was not bad. I've been having the talent for so long. I think it's the passion that develops the talent.
But comparing the thirteen years old me with who I am right now, that's what I failed to do. It looks like it's the same me, the same person, the same Salma. just a little older but no wiser. :) Well, maybe a little wiser. I've evolved one way or another as everything else does. That's one thing I believe and I'm happy with it. It's natural. :)

And also today, I've been searching through my stuff. Things that trigger the most recent memories. The memories of Today, the memories of this year I'm actually passing through.
I had times when I thought this year wouldn't be a memorable one, bad times. But, having all these memories proved to me that it's a year I'm gonna miss.

Then from now on, I won't dis-value my days, my upcoming memories. I want to remember everything. I wish I could capture every second of my life. That wouldn't happen except when I focus on enjoying each minute I live and make it memorable as much as possible. Maybe, I should start my twentieth diary :)

At least I tried...

"I wanted to help. I tried. But I failed. At least I tried!" 

It's so hurtful to feel helpless, specially when you want to help the most. You want them to know that you would like to share, you want to help. You just don't know how! And whenever you try, you fail to be up to their expectations. Now, their expectations are inverted, you think. They don't expect you to help anymore, neither that they know that you want to. Or you believe they don't trust you to help. That's what YOU think! 

If that is true, then know it's all your fault. For you haven't put the trusting image from the start. You're the one responsible for such a distrust you get. You feel pathetic. But, that is only what YOU think! 

It's all a matter of what you think. And know that you are what you think you are, it's all about your thoughts! 

However you think what you think, just NEVER STOP TRYING. One day, you'll know what was worth it. One day, you'll understand that you haven't failed at all. You were succeeding in every other aspect. You just couldn't get the whole picture at first. 

And if you stopped! Then one day you'll regret that act...

Obsessed .... again !

There was the first obsession. It seems like this state has no intentions to leave. 

----

It's not like a love from first sight. It's about being very impressed, being amazed and totally obsessed about someone.

Every time she sees him she gets even more obsessed. He's charming; he takes her soul away. Now she's over that phase of skipping a beat every time she sees him, now she's drown deep into his face as he speaks. She loses time and place whenever she's with him. Nothing seems to attract her more than his voice. He even looks more charming to her every time she sees him. She feels flattered when he smiles back at her and when he addresses words only to her. She's over the moon when she hears him mentioning her name to someone else.


Remembering each detail of how it went keeps her smiling to herself till she get caught. Remembering every incident of being close to him makes her shiver. When it's all over she stays speechless; she keeps living the moments all over again inside her head. And when she's totally not aware of what's happening around, she find herself whispering "Oh, how do I love him this much??!"


She acts as if she knows everything about him, and she really gets down if she found someone else (specially a her) who knows something about him that she didn't know. Or even if she found "her" knowing something she thought she was the only one who knew.
She always seeks to be his favorite, his favorite student if he is a teacher, his favorite employee if he is a boss, even his favorite friend if he is just a friend. She wishes to be his special, no matter who he is.


She wants to impress him by every act she does, every word she says. She wants to get all his attention towards her, only her. And after every thing she does or says, she keeps watching him attentively like she's trying to read his mind just to know how she has affected him and what he thinks of her at this exact moment. She could do anything just for the sake to know how he thinks about her, like she's dying to find out that he's impressed too. She would die to be his special. She envies the girl he'll fall for one day, the girl he'll choose to be his special. But at the end, she knows, it's not her call.


After all of this, she still convinces herself that this is not love, that she's just obsessed. She has just have found the man of her dreams and she only wants to prove that the man of her dreams is someone real. She's amazed and impressed that she has found him for real and that she's that close to him. 


But is it reasonable to find the man of your dreams and let him go away? Is it reasonable to just get satisfied by the proof that he exists? Shouldn't you do whatever it takes to make your man of your dreams become your reality? 


If only she gets the chance...


Maybe it's true. Maybe it's not love, it's just an obsession. I believe this could happen. But despite all of this, she's still sure that if she gets the chance she'll fall deeply, deeply for him.

Now, I'm left with a wonder. The wonder of what is love? For love at this moment seems to me like something controllable, something that could change from one form into another as you demand. It feels strong that you know how to define your feelings. But still, there's something big and huge that I am about to discover right now. That that kind of love and obsession doesn't last for ever. That was only what it takes to fall in love. The motive to be in love, is that you like someone so much. So, if for any reason the interest, the obsession, is lost, then naturally the love is also lost. It's normal to like someone you don't love, but it's never reasonable to love someone you don't like, for the like is the motive of the love. It's so true, so reasonable. Then, maybe there's another motive for love that has to be found, another reason to keep the love going, for being obsessed is never enough. It's just a beautiful state to live for some moments. A beautiful dream. But never more!

--

Character of the week: Confucius « Paulo Coelho's Blog

Character of the week: Confucius « Paulo Coelho's Blog

• By three methods we may learn wisdom:First, by reflection, which is noblest;Second, by imitation, which is easiest;and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
  
• Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
  
• Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire.
  Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.
  
• Faced with what is right, to leave it undone shows a lack of courage.
  
• He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger.
  
• I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
  
• If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself.
  
• It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.
  
• It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.
  
• It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them.
  
• Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
  
• Look at the means which a man employs, consider his motives, observe his pleasures. A man simply cannot conceal himself!
  
• Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself.
  
• Never give a sword to a man who can’t dance.
  
• Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.

Confucius (born around 551 B.C.) was a Chinese thinker and philosopher.

A fact to deal with...

However you're attached to someone, at the end of the day you are detached when you go to sleep, you are alone.
So, whatever you do, you have to learn how to live on your own.
At the end it's you're life that you're living, not someone else's life. How much you love to live someone else's life, you have to live your own life.
You have to be you, not someone else. Because simply you're counted as an individual human being who has an individual life, with an individual character and an individual self.
There's no escape from living your own life. There's no escape from being you. There's no escape from having the feeling that you're on your own, because, it's true, you're by yourself.
No one will ever know how perfectly to help you go on with your own life, but yourself. Deal with that...

This never fails to describe my state perfectly... It's my best!

حاله كده

معرفش ليه تنّحت للدنيا كده

فجأة لقيتني مسكون بالملل

لا عندي رغبة في البكا

ولا في الكلام

ولا عايز أنام

ولا حتى بسأل إيه ده ليه

و أخرتها إيه و إيه العمل

و أخاف أقول لأي حد

أحسن يقوم يقلبها جد

حد صاحبي ينزعج

يمد إيده في قلبه من باب الكرم

عشان يشاركني الألم

أو يستلفلي من لئيم حبّة أمل

حالة كده .. معرفش إيه

ملهاش معاد

ساعات تزورني في الربيع ..في الحر ..و في عز الشتا

و تجيب حاجات لا فيها روح ولا ميتة

حاله كده

..لا معاها تنفع كلمتين

ولا غنوتين

..ولا لقطه من ألبوم صور

..ألاقى قلبى ف الهوا ويا الكور

..أخاف اقول لأى حد

..أحسن يقوم يقلبها جد

..حاله كدة

.معرفش إيه

لكنى بطلع منها بعد السكات

..فاهم شوية في اللي فات

حاسس أوي بحضن الصحاب

..محظوظ أنا ساعات أشاور ينفتحلي ألف باب

لكنّي بغلط في الحساب

ومعرفش ليه تنحت للدنيا كدة

على سلامة

Take some rest..

Life, you and I are not on the same pace. You're moving in a different path than the path I'm loving to walk through. Please stop moving against me, or at lease wait till I catch you and then we can move together. Stop moving faster than me. We're not getting along this way. Why are you tough on me this way? Shouldn't we both be supporting each other? This way you're totally not helping.

Life, take some rest. Let me take the charge now, on my own terms. Let me move like how I wish to, not like how you're pushing me to move!

To my dream...

Dear dream,

Last night you came. You was beautiful as always. You seemed so real that I couldn't stand waking up and leaving you. But it's always your call, to come or to go.

And even when you decide to go and let me wake up to face my reality, you make my reality bearable. You give me the hope that it will be as beautiful as you were. Like you only come to inspire me and give me the energy to go on. However my life is frustrating or devastating, I know I'll find you at the end of the day when I go to sleep, to let me enjoy how beautiful you are, to spend some time with me. You're the only place I love to escape to. But again, it's not my call.

You come to me on my darkest nights to make my most beautiful days.

But what if one day you didn't come? I can't rely on you. It's either you become real or you just stop haunting my dreams, for you see, you can't stay except in my dreams. I mean you can never never be real. This just can't ever happen, I know, for if it happened, you won't be the beautiful dream anymore.
But you make my dreams look so real that I wish they really do come real and this hurts, even though being in my dreams makes my reality. Maybe you shouldn't stop haunting my dreams, but I just can't live on a dream or let my reality be based on a dream.

It's now hard to ask. Should I ask you to leave my dreams? Or should I ask you to stay? Maybe, I should ask you to become real!
At the end, it's not my call... I can't ask you nor you will ever listen? So, I'll leave it up to you and I know for sure that in my darkest nights, you'll come to make my brightest days.

But next time, please stay longer.

yours,
one of your dreamers...

Signs...

Sometimes, it's all clear. Signs are everywhere. Signs are the things that come to you without the intention to face them; like for example reading a text that you wasn't meant to read or something that was sent to you by mistake. But you keep convincing yourself that this is not a sign, if it was then it would have been meant to come, and since it wasn't meant to come so it shouldn't be given any attention. Just a weak excuse to not see the truth and keep living in the lie that you think is beautiful. Actually what's more beautiful is trying to achieve this lie through the truth. And that's the challenge you should really face.

We sometimes settle for what's not so perfect, not so right, just because we get afraid of losing what we have. We forget that we can't lose what we don't have; and what makes you so sure that this what you don't want to lose is already yours?! 
We never get the motive that if we waited or sacrificed for what's almost perfect, what's so right, we'll have the most beautiful replacement. We sometimes lose the belief that Allah will give us what's perfect for us if we just did what's so perfect; it's the same equation I keep looping around.

It's true that Allah puts all the signs in front of us because He wants the best for us. Then please don't ignore the signs. Everything you see, everything you observe, just think if it could add something to you, if it could solve a mystery you was trying to figure out, if it was opening a window to something that you do wrong. And don't ever ignore a sign, just because you don't want to lose the moment you think is beautiful that you're living right now.


I once said: "It's as long as you're living according to your own standards of what's right as long as you'll be satisfied. No one is feeling safe, happy and satisfied knowing that there's something wrong he's doing, or that he's not doing all that he has to be doing. Since, these two feelings get inside one's self, nothing could bring him happiness or self satisfaction." And that's exactly why signs are there to lead you to the right way towards happiness and satisfaction. That's why you shouldn't ignore the signs. So, don't lose the signs and believe that if you followed the signs with a deep and right understanding from you, you'll reach the most beautiful and amazing peak you could ever reach.


Keep following and understanding the signs... :)

All over again...

I wish I'm 5 years old again just to have the chance once more to play with my mum and feel that bond with her once again. I miss her playing with me. Although I have no memories about us playing together, but I'm in need of this feeling!

I also wish to be through all that I've been through once more. Not because they were so beautiful and right, but to set the last years straight and to postpone the future as much as I can. :)

And I wonder why is it easier to recall the memories of the past than to enjoy the present moment?

I feared...

"You can't underestimate the power of fear." - Patricia Nixon

True??!!

I became my worst fears, just because I feared so much to become them.

How the hell could this happen??!! Shouldn't I when I fear something the most do my best and more than my best to prevent it from happening? Or was I too weak to be taken by my fears?!

And have they really happened or this is too an illusion I made also because I feared?!

Dignity of Love

--Love without dignity loses all its meanings.--

Dignity... Something that I've been thinking about lately. What it means? What are the ways one can save his dignity? And there came my conclusion: Dignity means showing objection about something that you don't think is right and appropriate for your image. Dignity means keeping your image, whatever your image is.


It's how you do dignity that differs from one person to another. Some people tend to take sever revenge; they show objection by the hardest of ways. And it doesn't matter with them what kind of relation they share with others. All they think about is that their dignity has been badly hurt - although it may hasn't been that badly injured. Others are polite; smart actually. They never argue or make big scenes when they feel their dignity has been insulted. They just do smart acts that prove they are of strong characters and acquire high self confidence. And they do take it into consideration the kind of relation they share with others. They value the relation, and for them it's not easy to let go of a friend or even an acquaintance.


The reason why I thought about this is because of that common belief among people, which is: "If you're in love, you should let go your dignity." It's not true, I say you should let go your ego, but never your dignity. For your dignity is your only self shield you have.


When you're in love, you give your partner everything you have, you give him your life and everything that is valuable to you. Your mate becomes the person who presents your life, your saviour, the only one who you'll first think of when you're in danger, the one you're willing to share your whole life with - it's such a huge responsibility. When such a person does something that you just sensed it's hurting your dignity or even close, then I don't ever think it's right to let go your dignity, and by that I mean letting go the right you have of showing objection. If not for your sake, then it should be for the sake of your partner, or for the sake of the relationship. Don't you think it's not good to keep something inside? Maybe you would say, I keep such things so as not to cause hurts or build any walls. But actually it's a matter of honesty and integrity. Keeping a small fact like that you have been wronged by him one way or another, for me, this is not being honest to your partner. And the fact that you didn't work out this small insignificant matter, as you might see, may end in having it repeated many more times, and in each time you're being wronged again by the only person in the whole world that you should put up with for your whole life. After all you'll find out that you can't stand it anymore and that you're deeply hurt and broken. You would then just explode in frustration and rage that has no point at all, and that could have been prevented by a simple act of dignity that you might have done a long time ago. See, then preserving your dignity actually keeps the love going.


But again it's how you preserve your dignity that changes everything. In case of being in love, you truly have to consider the kind of relationship you're sharing. I think it's one of the most valuable relationships one could ever possess. Then it's just important to be smart while preserving and showing your dignity, taking into consideration that you're dealing with someone you could never live without.You just felt wrong and you're honest about the way you feel all along the way. All is for the sake of keeping the love.


So, I say: If you're in love never let go your dignity, but show it to preserve your love and let it live longer. Dignity is never against love. Dignity is what keeps love going. Dignity is a part of being honest about how you feel. Dignity is valuing yourself too much to be able to value your partner and your relation. Dignity is respecting yourself, and you should know, everyone should know, if you don't respect yourself, you wouldn't respect anyone. So, don't ever let go of your dignity, specially when it comes to save a love.

"I Love you with dignity!" :)