Monday, September 26

Written long before…

ove is a mystery that no one could ever solve no matter how hard they tried or dedicated their lives for solving it. Some say love takes only one sight to happen, and they call it the first sight. Others say it needs a lifetime to flourish; that that first sight is not enough to make a love last. They are both right, I say. That doesn't solve the mystery of love; it just gives a clue of how love works.

I say, Love is written long before we even have been created. Love already knows where it has to go, on which hearts it should rest and which souls should it leave heartless, loveless. And because love loves to work silently and by itself, it seeks no help, it always seems mysterious. And we, human, fear the unknown and the hidden. That's why some people fear love and fear drowning into its deep blue opaque ocean. They put their hearts in a box sealed perfectly and they hide it from the eyes of love. They try to play the same game that love plays, being mysterious. By that they think they might eventually solve the great mystery and try to control love, but they fail. Love is always the only winner; in joy or in pain, Love wins.

But there are also who are courageous enough to fall into it. They are ready to do what it takes and go to the extremes to understand Love by all its mysteries. They are taken by its magic and charm and they fall into it with every trust that they would be saved by a parachute or maybe they would fall in a field of straws. Maybe they would never fall at all; they would keep floating in the air of love, flying like birds without wings. And they really do, love never fail them. Until suddenly all their dreams collapse and they hit the ground very hard and end up broken. They blame love for being this much mysterious and hiding its actions. They think maybe if love had told them its plans and showed its cards they would have known what to do to save their selves.

Love again wins with its mysteriousness. Love is always the only winner; in joy or in pain, Love wins. Because, it's true that love never says where it is going, but for those who watch attentively Love keeps its cards open to anyone who'd like to have a look at it. Love is pure and honest, it doesn't betray; it's just silent. It walks blindly, but it knows its destination very well. Love is very strong and Love is always the only winner; in joy or in pain, Love wins. Love is written long before we even have been created. Love knows where it has to go, on which hearts it should rest and which souls should it leave heartless, loveless.

That first sight, I believe it's the moment Love shows you its first card. The moment Love comes to you and introduces itself telling you it's meant to rest in your heart for a while. And it's that moment I want to share with you. A moment in a story I thought of never telling. But in an attempt of solving the mystery of love, at least of how it works, it's a moment that has to be told. And I'll start from the very start of it.

 think I've noticed him once at college. I didn't think of him that much, but I always thought he's kind of weird, not the one I'd like to fall for or even know. But I never judged him more than that; it's what I usually do, I don't judge people I've never spoken to. Till one day I found out that we're connected, he's a friend of a friend of mine. I met this friend of mine on a coincidence that was meant to be, and he was there among the crowd that was there too. My friend asked me to join her and her friends, I agreed and it was my first time to listen to his voice. I then was sure that he exists, the same way I've noticed him before. That day I didn't feel his presence that much, though he's fond of making a huge appearance. He was remarkably noticeable, he was the fun, the laugh, and the stories that entertained us. I still remember the details of that day, the conversations and all the laughs. It was that day too that I found out that he had noticed me too, same as I have noticed him before. And later on I knew that I hadn't left a nice impression as he didn't as well.

That day passed but deep inside I was happy, happy to gain some new friends. And another day came, when that common friend of ours asked me to attend with them that concert. It's something I've been dreaming of, attending concerts, and so I agreed happily. Of course he was there… It was okay for me, his presence didn't mean that much for me back then though he's, as mentioned before, not someone who you can easily ignore. It was perfect, that day, I was happy and enjoying my time. Only one thing irritated me, it was a very crowded place, and I didn't like it. Especially that seat I was seated in, I couldn't either have a good vision of the band playing, I wasn't fully enjoying from that place where I was. I searched for every possible available place; I couldn't find a better one. Except that there was a one beside him, that seat felt perfect. But I was too shy to go there on my own, like I wanted him to ask me first. I didn't even complain about my seat or anything till my friend noticed my distress and suggested that place over there, beside him. I accepted her suggestion as if it hadn't come to my mind at all and I moved to there, shyly.

There was the moment, the minute I sat beside him, the minute he asked me if I'm better there. It felt like he was my savior, the one who'll protect me and surround me from any danger that could be. My hero, though he hadn't done a thing. It was an indescribable feeling. I was quite and shy at first, but he hadn't left me a choice, they all didn't. It was a nice enjoyable concert and I was happy. I couldn't keep the shyness and silence too much, I laughed and talked and enjoyed every moment, specially the music. We talked and talked a lot. It felt like that was his moment too, the moment he saw me or felt what I've been feeling too. That he is the one to be responsible for me, my savior. He's the one who's meant to keep me safe and comfortable. He's the one who is meant to make me happy.

I don't know who started it, was it him or was it me? Were my feelings too strong to reach him the same way I felt them? Or were his feelings of concern and care that reached me first and made me think what I thought, or feel what I felt. It doesn't matter at all. It's that moment that proves it all; that love is a mystery. That love comes at the strangest places and the strangest times to rest in the hearts of two strangers. That moment may not be an enough proof. But that moment was enough to assure me that he's not just a passer by my life, not someone who'll come into my life for a while and leave it untouched, not someone who'll not be mentioned in my stories of my life. That moment was indeed the start of every joy and pain in my life ever since that day.

The proof starts from the minute I noticed him, a stranger that caught my eyes for a while and made me think of him. Then when a coincidence made me realize how close he is to me. And finally love presented its master scene when it took both of our feelings, mingled them together and made them one, an only feeling, a desire that we two have got to stay together forever. Doesn't that prove it? That love is written long before we even have been created. That love knows exactly where it has to go, at what time and on which hearts it should rest or which souls should it leave heartless, loveless. Isn't love mysterious and unpredictable? Isn't that the only truth about love that no one can deny? No matter how hard they tried or what they have been through?

P.S: Don't judge, don't over-think, and don't assume! Just enjoy this piece of Art.
       It's my first kind of a short story, so a feedback would really be appreciated. Please! 

Wednesday, September 14

Confessions of a protected heart

Unlike all girls I know, and even those who I don't, I have this dream of marrying a man who I never knew before. And if I would know him, then I would only know him because he asked to marry me. Yes this is my dream, since I was a little girl; and my opinion whenever anyone asks for it. It has always made me feel strong; it made me feel good and wise. And as I got older my dream got even stronger, it became like a principle or a promise that I work hard not to break. And this has caused me a lot of pain and confusion. It prevented me from recognizing the opportunity of meeting a possible future husband. It sealed my heart away from falling for any man. I always thought that was my own self protection for my pure and innocent heart. And I still think so. Yet though all these thoughts and dreams, though all the pain and confusion, I've fallen many times and I have hurt my heart badly many times . 
And lately I'm still confused as I wonder, should I hold on to my principle, my dream? Or Should I let it pass and break it? I'm starting to doubt my principle, and the fact that I've already broken it many times before makes it a weak principle to my mind, but to my heart it's still the strongest principle I've ever had. Thinking of it still makes my heart feel strong, protected maybe. And here's the thing, what guarantees my heart's safety and innocence? Marrying a man who I used to love before marriage? Or taking the risk of loving the man I'll be marrying? Or is that taking the safe side actually?
I know all of that talk about love, that it isn't the most important factor for happiness, but why wouldn't it exist? I know the answer which says that love is a feeling that can come easily if everything else that really matters is already there in the first place. I know that the love that leads to happiness is the love that has a good base to settle on. I know that love is so pure and innocent that it can't lead itself, and thus the emotions surrounding love are those who lead it, whether they lead it to heaven or to hell. I know. I still get confused. Maybe I get confused because I simply couldn't hold onto my childhood dream, the dream that made me feel strong. I get confused because as I think of loosing that dream I understand that this makes me weak and unwise.
And it suddenly hits me, I'm just like any other girl I know, and even those who I don't, I get confused between my principles and my fantasies of a happy life full of love. It is okay to wonder and get lost and drifted away by the truth, the truth that no matter your feelings are and how much you tried to express them in words, it remains the same. The truth is that I can have them both if I only choose the right choice; I can hold onto that dream of having a strong heart and at the same time I can have the love I fantasize.
 My heart knows it all well; all I've to do is just follow it.

September, 2

Monday, September 12


A race that is all made up by my mind, and thus it doesn't resemble any of the races you had ever known because simply it's a race that doesn't match any of the races' rules.

The race's participants are us, some friends and I.


It's a race. And we're all in it together. The road on which we're racing is filled with mountains, hills, rivers and valleys. It's a very tough and a very rough road. There are no rules for the race, nothing at all. You can walk, ride a bike or ride a horse. You can swim, take a boat or just float. You can stay still and never move or you can speed up till you can no longer move at all. You can climb the mountain or move around it. You can even take a shortcut; but sometimes shortcuts are just a waste of time. There are only two rules; one is that you have to start at the start point and you have to finish at the finish point. Two is that it's a race that is made up of levels. The more time you spend racing, the higher the level you reach.

We all get to start from the same starting point together; at the same time. But each one of us is destined to finish at a certain finish point; a finish point that each one of us has pre-planned and worked for individually. I have just passed level one. Some of us had started level two, others are still on level one making their way out and others, like me, are just waiting aimlessly, maybe they are just gearing up for level two. Level two, for me, is much more difficult than level one. In level two, we get to make up our way, our own road; the road on which we'll be racing. We don't get to start level two together and thus we get shattered; we're no longer close to each other. And obviously level two is still undetermined.

On the other side, level one was already planned for us; it was already determined. The road was clear and mountains were easy to climb. All we had to do is to walk and enjoy. All we had to do is to race as much as our abilities can take us. We all took our first steps together as we all had to start level one at the same starting point, together. We were just starting and thus we were good and healthy, we even had fun and played together. We weren't taking it too serious, we were free and we thought we would stay all our life just in level one. But time has passed and soon we had to leave the freedom of level one to get to level two.

It was kind of easy to pass level one and so we all did though we didn't all reach the start of level two together. And starting level two we get to disperse. Now each one of us is starting level two on his own. But as we'll keep on moving we'll be meeting others who have been racing their races as well, and then they'll get drift away once again. The best thing in level two is that you have the whole area to joggle in. You can even move backwards, sideways or zigzagged. All you've got to do is to plan your route and build your road. And now as I get to plan for my own path and build my own road, I'll have a plan to even work harder and smooth the road I walk, for others who'll be following me. And I'll never forget the levels to come ahead; they'll be the light that I'll be running towards.

And the race will stay on till the end…