Saturday, February 26

A note to self

Don't lose sight of the light at the end, even when it's all dark all around. 
It's the light at the end that makes sense of the dark.

Am I back?
I think I'm coming back, yes.

Is it good or bad? Should I stop?
You're asking ME? I'm the one who should be asking. Tell me please as you always do.

Okay, let's make a promise, a commitment.
I agree, go ahead. Tell me and I promise I'll obey!

Never lose your principles! And if we're back, at least let's be back strong. Don't fall for what we had regret before. Remember your dream and don't settle for anything less. And as you learned: To love others unconditionally, love yourself unconditionally first.

And above all, be honest to yourself.

Wednesday, February 23

A shouldn't be!

·         Please go away. I don't want you anymore around. You're just an extra load to me. I don't want to hold on to you anymore.
·         And as long as you'll stay, as long as I'll think I might need you, but I know very well that I don't. Then please leave.
·         Please do me a favor and make it easy on me to let you go.
·         I'm scared, terrified and afraid. Those three words have the same meaning; still I needed to say the three of them. And I'm in a deep need to shed some tears.
·         There's something wrong going on with me. And I hate it when I can't figure out what is it.
·         It's like there's something missing, something incomplete or something lost. Something isn't in its right place. Things that are there but I don't want them to be there, and things that I dream of but they end when I wake up.
·         Funny it gets when the easy way out is the most difficult way for you.
·         Funny it is too when doing the right thing seems to be the easiest thing to do.
·         Is it true or is it weird that risky stuff to do, things you've got to fight for to get it, aren't always the right things to do?  Is it true or is it weird that things that aren't your nature are things that you shouldn't do?
·         I mean, is it "what's worth the fight is worth the prize." Or "what's worth the prize is worth the fight."?
·         I woke up early to work. But I ended up watching a movie and crying! Thank God I cried, I needed that so much and thanks to the movie that triggered it! Strange that a movie named "Volcano" triggered tears in my eyes, strong and long ones like these.
·         I have to be in the streets in half an hour, which means I only have got half an hour to get ready, instead I'm here writing this.
·         Well, I just don't believe you anymore, I don't trust you maybe. And it's something I that I can't help nor work on. You ask me to believe and trust you, and I ask myself the same, it's just that myself can't listen to you or to me and I have nothing else to do to let myself listens to you. Maybe the link has been cut off for good. Maybe there's no way in to myself anymore. Then maybe the best is to let yourself away from myself.
·         Do you think I should work more on myself? Actually I don't want to, don't push me please.
·         Ever since I knew this quote: "Wherever you go, go with all your heart." And it became my motto. Since then, I decided to be honest with my heart before my mind.
·         Yes, I believe so much in my heart that I giving it the lead over my brain.
·         Note: It depends on you, you should figure out for yourself who do you believe in more, your heart or your mind. As for me, I figured out that my heart thinks better than my mind!
·         It's very irritating when you feel that your own feelings are unfamiliar to you or to others. When others have different feelings than those of yours although you both might have been through the same.
·         Enough for now, I feel better. Thanks that you listened! I think I've got to get back to work. I've got to focus.
·         One last thing, I miss my ability to free my mind. The ability to stay for minutes thinking about nothing, and just nothing!
·         No, I'm not feeling better! I'm carrying a heavy heart. But it's time to let go, the show must carry on!

Tuesday, February 22


I have once seen a video named "Disconnect to connect." It really had a great point. And it kind of has taken its place in my mind. Then I found some of my friends writing and talking about this issue, and that made me think more and more about it. 
The Video! 

I kept thinking till one day I was having a chat with a friend of mine about deactivating her facebook account. That was the start of me figuring out the whole story. I was against the thought of deactivating the facebook account. She was with it. And here's the conversation we had.

Me: So, you deactivated your facebook account once again!
She: Yeah, I did. And this time it's for good.
Me: For Good!! I thought it's just for the exams period so you don't get distracted with it.
She: No no, it's not just about that. I can no longer find it useful at any means, at least for me.
Me: Okay, tell me how you see it? Because I've found others having the same concept too.
She: Well, I'm finding it fake! I can fake others and so I can't be sure that others are true to me either.
Me: How fake? Plus is it that important for you?!
She: Yes, Salma…It's like your whole social life is just fake, nothing real! A Virtual social life. And I really would like to have a real social life of my own, where I meet and talk with people for real, where asking about each other is at least using the phone or giving visits to friends. I miss these things a lot.
Me: Oh, that's really huge and true. But you still can have a real social life where you meet real people, not just on facebook. And actually it's us who are making this virtual life taking over us. When we tend to call on people by visiting their facebook profile and writing on their wall. Yes, your real social life is much smaller than your virtual social life, I know, but you still can make it bigger, and you still can just get satisfied by this little real social life you have. Plus, is it truly a virtual one, this social life everyone has on facebook, or can we add it to our real one? Who's to define?
She: I don't know Salma. This is how I saw it. And actually I couldn't handle it! I can't handle being sad and being nice to people at the very same moment, because that's how I appear on facebook.
Me: Oh, that's a psychological issue! But what about the other very positive features and advantages that the facebook offers you? Like all the news feeds about your friends who you care about and who you don't? The news feeds about the stuff you're interested in? And so many others…
She: Yeah, you're right Salma, it's just that for everything there are its pros and cons and each person should balance between these two to find out if that thing is positive for him or is it causing too much damage to him. And my facebook account at this time is causing me some psychological damage.
Me: Now, you're right. And it's your call. Actually you do have a point that I totally respect. And I hope you could get over this issue and do the best that fits you.


That was the conversation we had. And I threaded it just to show you the point on which I wish to talk about. The virtual social life that the social networks offer us. It has nothing to do with facebook, but facebook is the most common example we can share together. 

Is it really virtual? Yes, it is. As it simply simulates a virtual meeting between you and your friend, a virtual conversation that happens between you two. It's virtual in its literal meaning, virtual as in not real. But then that applies to everything that uses an electronic technology, a text message on the mobile is virtual, an e-mail is a virtual way of communication and a chat room offered by any application you have ever met is a virtual way of communication.

Is it fake? Well, that depends on you. You can send an e-mail to someone telling him false information, whether it's about yourself or about anything else, then you're fake. It's exactly if you met him face to face and told him the same false information, you're fake! It has only one advantage, those face to face meetings limit the false information you can give, for example you can't fake a facial reaction unless you're truly an actor. Then it's up to you to fake your emotions, your information and even your reactions.
I can type "=D", does this really mean that I'm laughing right now? You have no clue to know, and I bet you if you said that you do. It's all about your self integrity. If you're really laughing you can simply type these characters to show the emotion, if you're not, then don't type them!

Back to the virtual social life. Again it's up to you whether you get so much engaged with it that it truly becomes your whole social life. Or you start widening your real social life by deciding that the next time you feel like you miss someone so much you try giving him a call rather than typing the words: "I miss you!" on his/her facebook wall. At least within the call you'll get a quick respond and you'll have the chance to show more affection. if you think you have no time for a 3 minutes call, well definitely you have. It's the same time you'll take to search for his profile, check it for a while, then type the words: "I miss you!" and then wait till the post is actually posted. It's even up to you to limit your fakeness; you simply won't keep on asking about all the people who you really don't care about!

It's not an easy task, I know, nor that am I asking you to do so. I'm just saying that if you're finding it a virtual life too, then you can still have your facebook account activated and widen your real social life at the same time. Don't blame the technology for your strong attachment towards it.

There's the other side of the story, the side I see. A side that tells me that the social life facebook offers me is not a virtual one. And here when I say virtual I mean not true, like that friend who I only contact by using the facebook is an untrue friend, a friend that I can't count on to consider him/her as a friend. No they are friends, it's just that our way of communication is through the internet, through the electronic world and facebook is just the tool to communicate. Like years ago, there used to be a pen friend, a friend who you contact using only written letters, did he not been considered a friend who you have to stay in touch with? Same case, there are friends I have who I consider them in the circle of my acquaintances, but I can only reach them using this electronic world, which I'm actually grateful for because without it I wouldn't have known them and my social life would have been still very small.  I understand that a pen friend, or let's say a facebook friend, is much less closer than a friend who I regularly give a visit.  But that's something I'm agreeing on. And I'm not disconnecting from them, because they make a difference in my life.

Simply, disconnect to connect with those who are disconnected and connect to connect with those who are connected. Simply too, know the pros and cons for everything you do or you have and then decide for yourself whether you should continue doing it or not. And simply understand well the situation and don't blame it on anyone or anything else. Simply start with yourself and have an opinion of your own only after that you had figured out all sides of the story.

I rest my case!

And I hope you enjoyed! :)

Sunday, February 20

Colors in my head!

They are Red, Rose, Yellow and Blue. White, Black, and Green. A family of friends. They are always together, supporting each other, playing and having fun, crying and screaming in every moment of pleasure or grief. And they all complete each other. 

Red is a young man full of youth. He is kind of short and he has a little long dark black silky hair. He looks like an italian, though he's not. Being active and hyper is his trait. Bad temper sometimes is what describes him the best. He has the charm of a brat boy. He's always daring to do something reckless. His passion leads him, and his desires sometimes put him in troubles. And it's all for Rose as he loved her tremendously. But Black is always there to save the day!

Rose is a very beautiful sweet young girl. She charms everyone with her smile and look. She's white and pale, tall and skinny and she has a long blonde hair. She's sometimes considered naive and very pure. She loves to have fun and do exciting staff. She doesn't like people like Black, she thinks they are boring. And Green is her favorite pal. She isn't that smart, but she's not dump even. She's a normal girl. But there is something about her, like she's always looking for something she can never find.

Yellow is a tall and thin man. He works in business an he's kind of a workaholic person. He doesn't seem to have much fun. And he likes to appear like the one who knows everything in the world, but he actually knows none. He doesn't have this much of humor, though he always tries his best. He wants everyone to love him, but no one really thought about it that much.  Sometimes he's really wise, others he's just shallow. But jealousy is something he's sick of. He almost envies everyone else for their own lives. And that explains why he's proud and arrogant most of the times.

Blue is a charming man. He's handsome and smart. He's the kind of men who read a lot of novels and poetry. He's classical; he reads classics, listens to classics and even wears classics. And he's an inspiration to everyone around him. He's everyone's friend too. Not that much, well Red always sees him a competitor, when it comes to Rose off course, and Yellow doesn't love him that much either, as he always know how to let his arrogance down. But everyone else just seem to enjoy his presence a lot. He's a man who seems to know exactly what to do at anytime.

White...She's a beautiful girl. She has a wonderful friendly smile. She's warm and loving. Everyone loves White. She has a round face and small eyes. Her hair is black and short. She's open to everyone and she could be everyone's best friend. She's smart and thoughtful. She loves to paint a lot. It's her passion. And she's so open when it comes to music. Rose sometimes finds her crazy; she just couldn't understand her this much. But White and Rose are best of friends; they make a wonderful mixture together and they know how to support each other well. Among her other friends, she's always known by the peace maker. And a note, White has a crush on Blue!

Black. She's the man. The one you can lay your head on her shoulder and feel safe. The one who knows how to solve anyone's problem. She supports everyone. And she's sometimes very creative. She's a very elegant woman. And she's a writer, so most of the time she's someone who knows about a lot of things. White loves talking with her. They are both very deep and thoughtful girls. What's bad about Black is that she's a very moody person. She tends to have a low self esteem, and she always wonders if others loved her. She's kind of an introvert. She prefers home most of the time. But Green always surprises her with the pizza and the movie nights! Well, no one can live without Black in his life!

Last and not least at all, Green. The fun, the humor and the craziness. When Green is not there, then there's something definitely missing. All the credit goes to Green when they are happy and having funny crazy moments. Everyone needs Green in their lives. He's like the soft breeze to everyone. And he sure gets missed when he rarely misses a meeting. Green isn't smart at all. But he's quite adorable. Green is a healthy guy. He plays all kinds of sports actually. And he takes life less seriously than anyone ever does. He does the weirdest of the riskiest activities. And it's like he knows everyone around the whole country. Green and Red, they get along sometimes. But Green couldn't stand Red's violent thoughts sometimes. Green is peaceful, funny and natural. Green is a must!

To be continued...

P.S: That's how I see Red, Rose, Yellow, Blue, White, Black and Green!

Friday, February 18

I'm optimistic

EGYPT, I Wish... 
And I'll do whatever it takes to see you as I wish!

Wednesday, February 16


It used to be our game. When others try to remember us they should remember our swing. You were the one who introduced it to me. Although you sometimes wish you didn't play it, you always did. Sometimes you said you couldn't help it, you played it naturally even when you didn't recognize it. And I didn't know it was the swing we were playing, but I took a vow to play your game whatever it was. When you went up, I happily went with you. And when you came down, I sadly came back with you never knowing that we would reach the up world again. Sometimes I resisted the backward step never knowing that it was necessary for the swing to keep on swinging and going forward again. So you moved back and forth and I followed you sadly and happily.

Until I got sick and dizzy and didn't know how to tell you to stop. Only then that I understood it was the swing we were playing. And as much as I loved playing the swing with you as much as I was sick and couldn't play anymore. I tried to ask you to play other games, maybe the game where we keep moving through a maze never knowing how to come back, or that game where we jump into holes and open doors trying to search for the things we always search for. But you never listened, never you understood or even saw the possibility of the existence of the other games. And I was very sick and dizzy, you even didn't notice, well I didn't let you.

That was when I had decided, the next moment we were down I was jumping off the swing. I might have hit my head, but it wouldn't have been as badly as it could have been if we were up. And I did, I jumped off. And you kept swinging. When you reached the up side, you searched for me and you looked down to see me standing there. You came back to ask me to ride again. Here I said no, but I couldn't explain how much I was sick. I couldn't even explain how badly I wanted you to stop this game. I kept trying to let you notice the other games but you couldn't see them too. And you kept swinging. But no one swings alone, so you got bored up there and you too decided to jump off that silly swing. You were confused, you couldn't figure out what has happened. And I was still feeling dizzy and unable to think straight. You kept pushing me to the swing and I kept running away from you unable to explain that it was the swing that I was running away from. 

Now we are standing there on the grass keeping a distance. I'm watching others playing games that I can't understand nor recognize and I'm thinking of playing with them. I don't want to leave you there alone, but I can't ask you to play with them either. You know, I miss playing with you, I enjoyed it a lot and actually I have never found it odd or silly, that swing. But I don't know how or why did it make me feel sick and since then I can't think of playing it again. That's why I can't trust playing with you anymore, for I know the swing is your favorite game and you'll keep pushing me to play it again and again. Now, I want to play other games, different games, maybe alone, maybe with others. And maybe one day I would find that same swing, our swing, and I would still find you there playing and I'd come to play again with you. And we'd swing together this time, not as we did before where you moved and I moved after you. Till then, I wish you play happily and I wish I find the happy games I'm searching for. 

See you in another game. :)


I see my dreams as my mirror. They never lie to me and they are the only ones who are honest enough to tell me everything I think of, whether it's a sick thought or an inspiring one.

And I wonder how does the unconscious mind works. It's so unpredictable, you never know when will you be having a beautiful dream. When you're happy, you get surprised by your fearful unhappy dreams. And when you're sad and depressed your dream surprises you by being happy hopeful and cheerful. It's like your dreams are trying to balance your life. Your subconscious mind, I think, is always on your side. It lets you face all that you really have to face. It tells you what are your fears, so that you could find a way to face them. And it also reminds you by what's beautiful in your life, what's worth fighting for.

I have fallen for my dreams!

Recently my dreams have taken a great deal in my life. It's like I have a different dream each day. And each dream just comes to reflect on something and then goes away. It might reflect how insecure, unhappy and fearful I feel. And it might reflect on what I miss the most these days. It lets me know what I truly love and it reminds me of my beautiful lost dreams. And I'm loving my dreams even when they are the weirdest of the weirdest dreams anyone could dream of, just because I know behind the dream there lies a whole meaning that I should consider. I sometimes think of how much my dreams could be deceiving. But I trust them. In the end it's me and they are my dreams and I'll trust myself no matter what! 

And so as long as I live, I'll wait for my dream to come to face me with my reality.

Tuesday, February 15

7th of Feburary

It's my birthday. And my birthday this year was a very happy day, specially for me.
It even was different than any other birthday I had. And I believe every birthday is different and has its own shape.

Having your birthday feels happy, so happy. I can't imagine why does it feel happy or why we have this perception that birthdays are supposed to be happy. But I actually believe that every person deserves to live such a day, a day that's only for him to be loved and appreciated, a day where everything revolves around him. And what better day should it be except his birthday, his anniversary.

Well I haven't done anything special on this day, but I was happy. I lived that happy state just because I wanted it to be happy. Yes, I have expected it to be so. Maybe I was already expecting all the wishes and feelings of being loved or appreciated. But I never expected how I would feel or react to it and that's what has surprised me. Even every expectation I expected surprised me that it truly did happen, and how it has happened was also very surprising. It was a surprise expected. This year I was so worried not to feel the surprise, I really wanted to get surprised and to feel happy. I was praying that I could forget the date of my birthday just not to expect anything so then I could feel the surprise by all its meanings. But amazingly it happened, I expected a surprise and I got surprised. Truly wonderful. And I'm glad, very glad and absolutely happy for how that day went. 

And I've realized something, that I didn't really care for their wishes or for what they had to tell me. I cared that they actually took the initiative and told me the simple words of "Happy Birthday!". I think they weren't aware of how happy they were making me by their little efforts of saying these simple words. I truly wish they truly meant every wish they told me, because for me it meant a lot.
And now I know the magic of wishing someone a happy birthday on his day even if you absolutely don't know that person. That magic I thought wasn't there, but now that I know how beautiful it is I'm not letting someone's birthday to pass except by wishing him the best on his day even by the simplest way there is.

What was different about that day is that I made a list of wishes for this year. Yes, it's kind of my first time to set wishes on my birthday. Thanks to a very dear friend who asked me if I made a wish, and that inspired me to make a list of them and write them down to never forget them. No, I won't tell you what are my wishes, I'd like to keep them a secret. :)
And also I was shocked to find an old dear friend calling me to wish me a happy birthday. That friend used to forget my birthday each year, he never managed to wish me a happy birthday on the day. But this year he did, although it has been very long since we last talked. 
And the people who shared in shaping that day in my memory are different than any other birthday.

Actually, just two days latter I had one of my happiest days in life. An unforgettable day that will always be remembered by remembering my 21st birthday. It's because it was a day where I enjoyed the company of people who I love. A day where I did many and different activities all on the same day. A day where I experienced new and happy moments about myself and about others. A day that adds a meaning to my whole life. I wish I could have many other days that resemble such a day. Describing such a day needs another whole day. :)

That was all about my 21st birthday. Ignoring the fact that I can't believe that I'm 21 already, I'm happy, grateful and almost proud of myself. Alhamdulellah :) You can only be 21 once, so I'm enjoying it to the fullest. Hopefully! 

Monday, February 14

An apology, a report state and a gratitude.

Dear readers,
Would you believe me if I told you that I have truly missed writing to you? Because I really did! :)
You might be wondering where were I for the past three weeks and why haven't I been publishing any posts. It's your right to wonder.

Before anything, I truly apologize for being away and I wish you accept my apology. The reasons of my absence are totally wired, mysterious and unreasonable. That's how I see them. And that's why I don't wish to go through them now. But at some point there I'm glad for how things went. I have even planned to post this post earlier, but I'm glad I didn't and that I'm posting it now.

If you haven't heard yet, through the past three weeks, Egypt has been in the state of Revolt. Egypt's youth revolted against injustice, corruption and every deterioration in Egypt's governing system. They decided they have to fight for what's right and just. They took the initiative to kill all the rottenness there is in Egypt. They refused to live anymore with the wrong conditions they were living in. And they succeeded! They at least succeeded to prove to everyone else that they can be right, that they can change to the better and that when they unite on one word they don't settle till they are there. Yes, when people unite on one word nothing ever can stop them.

First let me just redefine what was happening. Revolution is always accompanied by the thought of violence or shedding blood. That wasn't the case at all over here. Yes we have been changing the way our country is being governed, but with nothing but peaceful demonstrations and strikes. And yes there has been hundreds of martyrs, people who died fighting for freedom, died for millions others to live with liberty and for an entire nation to live honorably. But that's the price we had to pay, and we'll never forget how sadly we paid it. Still, our revolution's most specifying trait is being peaceful! Now, what can you expect to come out of a peaceful revolution that actually succeeded except all civilized, organized and pure peaceful meaningful demonstrations and actions?
Egypt's people have not just proved to be free people who don't accept injustice they have also proved to be people who are very civilized and productive people, only if they have a will.

It started on the 25th of January and ended on the 11th of February, year 2011.

Did it actually end on the 11th of Feb.? I don't believe it will ever end, not until we raise Egypt to be one of the top countries on earth. Egypt is back to be ours once again to build, so an internal revolution inside each Egyptian has to be there in order to rebuild Egypt to stand strong and to not let anyone take over Egypt for another time. We have a lot of work to do, even more than before, but now we're having a new hope, a better vision and a much more passionate motive to work with. If anyone actually worked now with less than his best, he would just be wasting all the hard times we have lived to reach this point.

I don't believe it actually started on the 25th of Jan too. It started a long time ago, for about 5 or 7 years ago. When youth, part of them and then increasingly, started to be much more aware of what's going on with their country, started to change and spread the word of change. When developmental and charitable  organizations began to arise, be spread and put into action in our country. When simple movements of "change" have been started and delivered. When the youth started to dream and fight for the dream of the prosperity of this country. And the dream will never die until it's a reality. Everyone will fight for it, every Egyptian will die for it. Now we're sure of that, as now we know that Egyptians don't fail their dreams. And the events of the past three weeks were just a tipping point to let our dream be well known to everyone around the world and to let the dreamers dream too and know now that dreams do come true.

I'm grateful I have lived to see my country being lead powerfully to success and prosperity. I'm grateful to see Egypt and Egyptians an inspiration to all others around the whole world. I'm grateful I have lived events that I will be gladly telling my children and grandchildren about, inshaa'Allah. I'm more than proud that I count myself as an Egyptian who honestly have always believed in her country. I just never thought I would see such a change this early, but I'm glad I did. I'm grateful that I'll share in rebuilding my country. Yes, it's an obligation, but now it's an obligation that I'm willing to do pleasely.

To know more, watch these: 

they said all there is...

And these tracks: 

I just love them.  :)

Last and not least my dear readers, I have vast and fast thoughts that have been rushing through my head and hurting it so much during the past weeks. I won't promise you to let them all out of a sudden, but I'll promise you that you'll soon enough enjoy my next post. :)

God bless you all!