Thursday, September 30

Which is Right?!

They call me 'Selfish', those who know me closely...Are they right? That's a question I wish to answer. They are very few, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are wrong, actually it's because they are few, which backs up the idea that they know me very closely, then maybe they are the most right!

But if I have the right to defend myself, or think about why they could see me selfish, then I have two reasons:
1- I'm someone who seeks perfection, a perfectionist. So, I want to do everything right, I want everything, I don't like missing anything, I don't want to compromise, I can't live with regrets.
2- They only call me selfish when I treat them somehow less than what they are used to from me -- it's because I'm (as I think I am) completely the opposite of selfish, I live for others, not a bit for myself, and that's the thing that's actually totally wrong. When I try to do something for myself, and not them this time, they get to call me selfish!

P.S: Now please don't judge them and say they are bad people who don't know me at all, it's because you too don't know me this much, and also you haven't heard their defence yet!

There always has to be something, a defect, that ruins my Inner Peace, my Illusion of Perfection.

Monday, September 27


When you get captured by a smile, a charming smile, then you just couldn't let it or even it's owner out of your mind! It's a smile that makes you smile too, a smile that you long to see, a smile that makes you happy for him that he's smiling, a smile that if it were in your hands you would do anything just to see this smile on his face.

And such a charming smile needs a charming prince, the one who would be:
"سنداً يحميني وفؤاداً يؤينى، يغفر زلاتي ويقيل عثراتي ويتجاوز عن هفواتي ويعلمني ويربيني ويعليني... يصلح خطئي دون أن يحرجني... يستر عيبي دون أن يفضحني....وبيني وبينه ينصحني..... يذكرني بنعمـ ربي... ويحفظ عرضي... . . .يشاركني صلاتي..... وقرآني.. وصيامي
~ copied

I have found such a charming smile, but I still can't find my charming prince.

♥...If I get my charming prince with his charming smile, then I'll live charming happily ever after...

Thursday, September 23

Lessons learned

Lesson #1: "One starts living when one starts living outside himself."
I discovered that it doesn't work if you blocked yourself away from all others, and just kept living with yourself claiming that you're so tired and sick of people, and you would be unfair to them by dealing with them when you're in such a state. This won't solve the problem or let you get out of this can't get out of yourself without trying to engage with others. Unless, you just don't want to get out of yourself, and at this point don't you ever blame others for not trying to help you or at least ask about you...because of lesson #2.
Happiness is living for others. Happiness is never attained when one's thoughts are only locked up about one's self. So, as how much you want to be happy is how much you have to live OUTSIDE yourself...So, get outside yourself and be Happy!

Lesson #2: "No one can help you better than yourself."
It's so pointless talking with others and seeking their help, helping yourself. However how much they care, however how much they want to help, their help would never be enough or satisfying you. Because yourself doesn't obey except YOU! So, it's only up to you and yourself. No one else can ever be included. The real help you need, is how to help myself! That's it!! and those who care to help you must understand this well, that they are just helping you help yourself, at the end of the day it's your call, not their's. They should not be ever baised towards a certain opinion that is their's and not yours...they are only there to motivate you to take your call.

Lesson#3: "After the darkest night, there's the brightest morning."

Haven't you ever thought that life can be regarded as ups and downs, after every down their's an up, and when you're at the up you feel like you're the happiest one on earth, and it's your happiest moment ever, even so you had similar happy moments before?!
If it weren't for the downs, you wouldn't have felt the ups like this high and happy ups!
So please, don't you ever lose the hope that after every down there's a high up, and that the down is just a reason, or indication, for the high up that is coming inshaa'Allah.
As long as you're keeping the limits that Allah has put for you, Allah will always bring you the highest and happiest ups ever inshaa'Allah =))

** To Be Continued, Keep tuned! =)

Saturday, September 11

Pride and Prejudice

Pride and Prejudice

I get impressed and thrilled EVERY time I watch the movie or read such a novel !!

That's a fairy tale I wish to live one day =))

Wednesday, September 8

Faking it till Breaking DOWN !!

I just can't imagine how could I ever move on and live my life easily again....I just can't!

Life goes on; whether I liked or not. But, Life can never push me to go on with it; it doesn't have this power. That's why Life moves faster than I!

It doesn't matter how many laughs and smiles I had during my day, It's the same every night before I close my eyes, they are wet, there were tears!

I feel bored, angry, frustrated, and in a deep need to cry just because nothing can get me out of this except being deprived from the only thing that can!

Happy but Sad !

I just can't figure it out. I'm so happy, but sad; satisfied but frustrated !
Like there's something missing, something is put in my way towards absolute happiness.

Then I say that no one is absolutely happy, every one has his ups and downs; but just not that frequently changing. I freak out when I find that I've nothing to do at this moment; I have to have backup plans so that I never feel free or alone, because I'm aware of how awful is that freedom!
But sometimes I still get lost through all the things that I have to do. Maybe because what I have to do, my backup plan of always being busy, is not what interests me, not what I really want to do.

It's a strange painful feeling that I wish no one ever to feel, such a feeling of loneliness and sadness ! =')

Friday, September 3

The Energy of Love

Life taught me that it doesn't matter if people love me or not, I always have to love everyone. And thus, the love will come back to me by it's own terms. It's like energy, can't be created nor destroyed, but transforms from one form into another. Indeed Love is Energy =)

'Love' is a mystery. You can only accept it as it is and accept the rules it puts to itself. You've to admit that it has its own reasons, for coming whenever it likes, for getting strong, or even for fading away. All you have to do is maintain loving the love, and hating the hate. Don't get advantage of love, don't revenge for love. Simply don't use love as a motive for anything that's towards the darker side, because 'Love' is the brightest thing humanity has ever seen, and will ever see.

And whenever you try to destroy 'Love', it will always prove you wrong, prove that it's stronger than all your dark thoughts. "Love always wins" that's a rule no one can break or work against, and if you tried, you'll just be the most loser.

Three simple requests:
  • Accept 'Love' with all its reasons, whether they are good or bad.
Don't play against 'Love', you'll lose.
  • Don't stop loving 'Love'. =)

Thursday, September 2

Facing the FAKE ME !

I'm FAKE !

I'm a Selfish, Liar, Double-Faced person. I'm someone who lacks dignity and self respect. And I cause damage to the lives of the people who come too close to me.

I think I'm someone who deserves not to live.

Well, I'm not that desperate...But I think my life can never be the same as it was before, and I'm strongly broken into pieces that I can never put them back into place...And no one is to be blamed except me! And I don't learn enough!

All I was asking for was a chance from life, a chance to set everything straight! It's either I failed, or I wasn't deserving such a chance! I know It was not meant to be! And I was a fool to think once more that It can happen! .... But now, I can't face life after all the hurt I caused myself...How can I bear myself any more...How can I listen to people saying how much they love me, and I know that I don't deserve such a love....Simply because I'm a Liar......I'm FAKE !!