Like there's something missing, something is put in my way towards absolute happiness.
Then I say that no one is absolutely happy, every one has his ups and downs; but just not that frequently changing. I freak out when I find that I've nothing to do at this moment; I have to have backup plans so that I never feel free or alone, because I'm aware of how awful is that freedom!
But sometimes I still get lost through all the things that I have to do. Maybe because what I have to do, my backup plan of always being busy, is not what interests me, not what I really want to do.
It's a strange painful feeling that I wish no one ever to feel, such a feeling of loneliness and sadness ! =')