Monday, December 26

My 2011 in brief

January, my heart became harder and tougher than ever before. It surprised me, I never knew myself to be that strong. But later, I've discovered a part of me that is capable of doing nothing at all for a long period of time, and it can do that very easily!

February, is my month of every year. I love that month, it comes with happiness and excitement. And specially on this year's February, I had a day that I can never ever forget. That day was the start of my happy days of this year. (I think I should make a list of them!)

March. What about March?! Oh dear, I can't remember! But I think I was struggling. I was striving to become a better person.

April, I was a different person. How I wish I can get back to April. I did things I thought I could have never done. I amazed myself, and it did feel really good! I was good at it, and people loved me! Alhumdulillah. My greatest life achievements -up till now- has occurred in April 2011. And of course, days have been added to my days-to-remember list.

May, I was happy and content. Things were having its way to show up and get clear. I've strengthened my bonds with people who I love, people who worth loving and befriending! And my happy days are still adding.

June, though I love June. But this June was tough and weird and a little bit disappointing! I've known ways to crumple myself in my own shell and lock it up. I've been hit -emotionally speaking- and banged on the head many times. But I've moved on to the next month to find it...

July, a total disappointment. In myself, in my friends and in everyone I've trusted. Still I had those people worth loving around me, supporting through being shinny and smiley and just there. And I've had 3 days, 3 days of my life, 3 days of amazement, excitement, and pride. But other than those 3 days, my life in July can be summed as disappointment, depression, and hopelessness.

August, I needed some time alone. I needed to heal. So, I've decided to lock myself away from everyone, literally speaking. I needed to gain back the "Salma" in me. The person I know who's good and worthy. I needed to rediscover and reshape myself and my heart.

September, an inspiring month. The month of start-ups. Restarting my life, my plans, my projects, my friends...etc. And I was willing to start over easily. And I did, I started and I dreamed again. Even though my starts haven't proceeded to a finish line, but I was happy then.

October, after I prepared myself to start, I had to put myself into the waiting -idle- mood. Waiting for me, to do whatever it takes to proceed, waiting for others to offer help, waiting for opportunities to knock on my door. I've been waiting...And I mean, I've been waiting steadily and still. I wasn't moving!

November, another warm month. It passed in a glimpse of an eye. In between waiting steadily, trying to move a little, letting go of hopes, putting myself in the ignorant mood, having fun, and enjoying my time, November has passed quickly. But as I try to take snapshots of the month, I find them happy. And going back to my happy days list, days were added -actually it's just a one day!

December, a weird confusing month. December is strange, really. It's tough and hard, but it's accelerating the events for me. I've done like millions of things, and so many things have got into my way, and too many hurtful events and joyful ones. It was so full of contradictions. And so many ways have been opening themselves up for me, that I think I'm losing my way and getting lost and finding it hard to choose which way should I go. I'm still waiting though. Waiting for a fresh new perfect start, that hopefully it would come with 2012.


Seems like it's a fair year. A year full of happy days and equally sad disappointing ones. As a matter of fact, if you revised it again, you'll find that my happy days are a lot more. And that's one thing I Thank Allah for. I honestly have got everything I want and everything I need. My blessings are countless, I mean I can't count them because they are a lot, just a lot. And I can't praise Allah rightly and fairly for all His blessings. I've got the love and the friends, though some are lost and some are gained but I do have friends. I've got the knowledge and good brains. I've got chances to grow and be better. I've got dreams and I've pursed them, at least I tried and at least I planned to. I've become a different, hopefully better, person. And I'm really grateful.

But that's just one side of 2011, my side of the year. Other sides, has been dull, or maybe happier. But there's a general side, the side that everyone can watch it clearly. Year 2011 has been a year of deaths, natural deaths and murders. Crimes, total chaos, and drop downs have taken place. Really bad and very hurtful stuff have happened. But at the same time, glories and hopes have been raised, happiness and achievements have been reached. Dreams have been dreamed and strong working hands haven't slept until the dreams were realities.

In brief. Dear year two thousand and eleven, you have taught me a lot. And I've been a good student of you. You've hurt me somehow, but you have also given me the hope that I'll be healed, and that the list of happy days goes on forever, and that at the end the happy days do overcome the sad ones. Year two thousand and eleven, you have taught me patience, a lot of patience. You have taught me how to have faith and dream big dreams. You have taught me to face my life and stand for something and fight for it. You have taught me that it's important to fight for my rights in living a pleasant life that keeps my dignity. And finally you have showed me pure love and how true and real love is really is. Though, maybe you look bloody and doomed, I've learnt a lot out of you. And the least thing you have done is that you have given me very high hopes and anticipation towards year two thousand and twelve.

Two thousand and twelve is coming in five days! May we all have a blessed and happy "2012". My guessing is that it'll be like the "12"-th month of the year, December, tough and hard, but a lot of things will be achieved. We'll have so little of what's called rest, but at the end of 2012 we'll be relieved and happy and enjoying a fruitful meaningful and pleasant life. =)

2 comments:

May El-Dardiry said...

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! :D

That's.....!!! Am Speechless!! :)

Salma, Rabena yekremek :))) You have just proven again that "What's written from the heart goes straight to the heart" :)))))

sebtown294 said...

HI Salma, I'm glad I stopped in to visit your blog. I noticed that you chose to become a member on my blog awhile back and so I was curious to learn more about you. I enjoyed reading your account of 2011 and look forward to learning more about you in 2012. You are very interesting to me and I hope I can learn from you.