Sunday, April 24

Is it an illusion?

When I look into your eyes I could hear nothing! Your eyes don't speak to me! And if they do, I don't get what they say! This tells me that I'm not the one who's meant to get what your eyes say!

Everything was perfect, except for those awkward moments when you don't get what I say? and I don't know how to explain or if I have to! The awkward moments when I feel like I really need to understand you and get you to understand me but you don't seem to give me a chance and we don't easily work it out!

I remember a moment when I looked into your eyes and kept looking without saying a word! And you looked back waiting for me to speak or to understand what my eyes were saying, but you couldn't! And that was the only time I understood your eyes because simply there's was nothing behind them, just the question of what that deep look is for! It ended up without answering your question and I didn't feel ashamed of what you'd be thinking of me because then I really wanted to tell you something that only my eyes could say!

Your smile, your walk with pride, the way you joke, your postures, the way you stand, the way you sit and all those things you do when you're happy are all the things I wait for when I know I'll be seeing you and they are all the things that make me happy too.

Today what I loved the most was hearing you calling my name many times, asking for me and making sure I listen to you. It's just that the feeling that you needed to talk to me thrills me! Even though I know you just did so because somehow you had to!

And sometimes, just sometimes, though how great I see you I also think that you're weak, tender and sweet; someone who sometimes, again just sometimes, doesn't know exactly what to do, or needs some help from others. Someone with a little weak motive and needs someone to boost it!

I have no idea why I dreamed of you that night, but I dreamed of nothing but a long deep eye contact. Maybe it's because I really need to understand and know what goes back there behind your eyes.

I get so much touched by your mood shifts, does this mean anything? And if you're sad you really don't know how much do I need to do anything just to see you smiling again!

Have I told you before that you're smile is such a captivating one?

And sometimes I don't understand you at all. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know you. And I think I really do know nothing about you. What's weird is that though I know that I know nothing about you I feel like I already know everything about you! Is that something you intended to do?

If you have something else that is charming besides your smile, it would be your words! Maybe it's your voice! And I remember those very little rare seconds where our hands in a way touched softly.

And I know nothing about why I'm keeping my mind full and alert of you and everything you do. Will that ever end? Or will I forever be missing you? I need to know, because I just wouldn't be able to live with the fact that I miss you!