There was the first obsession. It seems like this state has no intentions to leave.
It's not like a love from first sight. It's about being very impressed, being amazed and totally obsessed about someone.
Every time she sees him she gets even more obsessed. He's charming; he takes her soul away. Now she's over that phase of skipping a beat every time she sees him, now she's drown deep into his face as he speaks. She loses time and place whenever she's with him. Nothing seems to attract her more than his voice. He even looks more charming to her every time she sees him. She feels flattered when he smiles back at her and when he addresses words only to her. She's over the moon when she hears him mentioning her name to someone else.
Remembering each detail of how it went keeps her smiling to herself till she get caught. Remembering every incident of being close to him makes her shiver. When it's all over she stays speechless; she keeps living the moments all over again inside her head. And when she's totally not aware of what's happening around, she find herself whispering "Oh, how do I love him this much??!"
She acts as if she knows everything about him, and she really gets down if she found someone else (specially a her) who knows something about him that she didn't know. Or even if she found "her" knowing something she thought she was the only one who knew.
She always seeks to be his favorite, his favorite student if he is a teacher, his favorite employee if he is a boss, even his favorite friend if he is just a friend. She wishes to be his special, no matter who he is.
She wants to impress him by every act she does, every word she says. She wants to get all his attention towards her, only her. And after every thing she does or says, she keeps watching him attentively like she's trying to read his mind just to know how she has affected him and what he thinks of her at this exact moment. She could do anything just for the sake to know how he thinks about her, like she's dying to find out that he's impressed too. She would die to be his special. She envies the girl he'll fall for one day, the girl he'll choose to be his special. But at the end, she knows, it's not her call.
After all of this, she still convinces herself that this is not love, that she's just obsessed. She has just have found the man of her dreams and she only wants to prove that the man of her dreams is someone real. She's amazed and impressed that she has found him for real and that she's that close to him.
But is it reasonable to find the man of your dreams and let him go away? Is it reasonable to just get satisfied by the proof that he exists? Shouldn't you do whatever it takes to make your man of your dreams become your reality?
If only she gets the chance...
Maybe it's true. Maybe it's not love, it's just an obsession. I believe this could happen. But despite all of this, she's still sure that if she gets the chance she'll fall deeply, deeply for him.
Now, I'm left with a wonder. The wonder of what is love? For love at this moment seems to me like something controllable, something that could change from one form into another as you demand. It feels strong that you know how to define your feelings. But still, there's something big and huge that I am about to discover right now. That that kind of love and obsession doesn't last for ever. That was only what it takes to fall in love. The motive to be in love, is that you like someone so much. So, if for any reason the interest, the obsession, is lost, then naturally the love is also lost. It's normal to like someone you don't love, but it's never reasonable to love someone you don't like, for the like is the motive of the love. It's so true, so reasonable. Then, maybe there's another motive for love that has to be found, another reason to keep the love going, for being obsessed is never enough. It's just a beautiful state to live for some moments. A beautiful dream. But never more!