Wednesday, March 9

A fantasy

I miss my dream. The fantasy I used to have, the dream I was living for. That thing that was keeping my life running with a reason. Somehow that's what I'm feeling.

But a little earlier I was feeling completely the opposite. I was so happy, I was living on a hope, hope that I'd do the things I long for one day. I was so happy and my day was fruitful, amusing and lovely. I was feeling the satisfaction that I actually could do all that I want to do. I wasn't remembering my fantasy and that thing I liked because that fantasy is just an illusion. But when I got detached from that dream, that turned out to be an illusion, I got detached from everything else concerning the dream. I truly couldn't recognize anymore, is it truly a dream that I should have? Or is it just a fantasy?

I wonder what are the dreams that do come true.

It's kind of confusing. I lost my dream or did I let it go? Or did it turn into reality already? It's because I'm missing my dream but I'm loving my reality and I don't feel like I need to keep dreaming anymore. Maybe because I just got sick of dreaming and nothing else. Though my dream was the most beautiful thing in my life, I'm feeling exactly the same about my reality right now. Just because it's reality and not a dream, it still needs some additional features to become just like a dream. And that scenario is what I appeal to the most. That yes, my dream has already come true, but because true and real reality is never like a dream I got confused for a while trying to recognize the link. And for that I'm loving my reality more than my dream. At least reality gives me more hope and guarantees my next life.

Now that I figured out that I miss my dream because it's no longer a dream, it's a reality already. I lost the feeling of living for a reason because that's what dreams are all about. Then right now all that I have to do is to find another dream to dream, another reason to live for. And I think I know exactly what my dream next should be.

And I'm happy, amused, loving and loved.

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