Saturday, March 19


There was something that bothered him. And he couldn't let it go easily. So when the time has come for them to meet he kept a silence. He only asked one question for which he got an answer, a non satisfying answer it was but he listened to it and stayed silent. And she knew there was something wrong. She expected him to be not okay, she just couldn't guess what would his reaction be. She knew he could blame her for what happened, ask for a justification and try to set some rules so as to avoid this happening again. But she truly didn't want any of this to happen, she wished he would be someone else and not to do as she expected. But somethings never change, never totally disappear, they may fade away a little, diminish a little, but they are always there even if just a few. So, it was as just as she expected, he was mad and not dealing as he usually does and she was unable to get him out of this as she never knew how to.

And here came the silence, the bothering silence, the meaningless silence, the silence waiting to be broken and the hardest silence to break. He kept silent because he wanted to say that he was mad, and she kept silent because she refused and objected his madness. She waited him to break the silence and so stop this ridiculous madness, and he wanted her to break the silence and say something that relieves and satisfies his madness, but none was done. And so the silence was never broken easily. He was thinking that he truly need to break the silence because this is not what he came for, not to stay silent, still he didn't know how, he couldn't get over his madness. And she was thinking: "if he's that mad why did he came at the first place? How I wish I could just step up and leave this awkward moments. But I can't because I'm not leaving him first, this is not what I came for, besides if he wanted to leave, he'll say, and only then I'll let him leave."

Who would win this time was something that neither of them thought about, but I did. Somehow I wanted him to change and I wanted her silence to win. Still I needed her to know how to not let this silence take any place between them. But sometimes it's not what I see that's right, sometimes the perfection lies in the imperfect. It's how it went how it best goes. Yes it's not what either of them wanted, but it's how perfectly fits them both.

And a matter of fact, he changed and her silence won. At the same time, she exactly knew how to cut the silence short. She broke the silence, but he was who relieved his madness. She made clear that she wanted to break the silence, yet she gave him the time. He did too made clear that it wasn't silence that he came for, yet he didn't let it go and pass easily. He did it his way, yet a little more tenderly. And she held on to her own voice, apologized and listened to him till the end.

Yes, they were very awkward moments of silence. Yes, nothing seemed to change very much and nothing will ever change. And yes, they were devastating and worrying moments. But there was something different about it, like this time they were both keen on not to let it go much deeper, specially him. He managed to keep his soft touch. And she managed to listen carefully, apologize, admit and set the rules for herself this time.

And so I say, somethings do change when we need them too. Even if they never physically change, it's how we take and see them that changes. We manage to carry on, only if we truly wanted to. And experience is always the best teacher.

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