Thursday, January 20

My dearest, you're my perfect.


I had to write you because there are many and many thoughts rushing in my head, only for you. And I'll go crazy if I hadn't had the chance to tell you, even if that's only in my fanciest world. I'm still obsessed, you know. My heart still skips that beat for you. Then my heart stays beating fast with happiness that I get scared it might stop right there.

Yes I feel jealous when I see someone else is more attached to you than I am. And if I felt you care too for others just the same way you care for me, tears fill my eyes. And when I find others love you and appreciate you the same way I do, I get filled with fear. Fear that my love would get lost through all other people's love, fear that you might not know how much I appreciate you.

Yes, I'm taken by the thought of you. Whenever  I'm mad and sad, I remember your words, I remember your sight, I remember your smile, and yes I'm happy again, I'm smiling once more. That quick shift from madness to happiness makes people around me wonder if I'm crazy or schizophrenic maybe. But it's you in my head around me all the time to save me from becoming mad and insane.

Yes, I'm thanking you, I'm appreciating you, for just being a thought in my head. You're the best thought I could and would ever think of. You're why I want to succeed. You're why I'm keeping it up. You're the reason for every good in my life. Then, I can't but owe you every good in my life.

Yes, I'm so happy you talk to me. I'm so happy you're proud of me. I'm so happy I did something that pleased you. I'm so happy that I wish you to know how happy I am. You make me happy like no one can. There's that quote that says: "Talk with who makes you happy. But talk more with who can't be happy without you." If we just stick to this quote, then we'll find a reason for talking to each other and we'll end up talking to each other forever. Would you please take this quote??

And yes, I miss you. I miss you talking to me. I need that feeling that you wish to talk with me too. I need you to give me the space to be in your life. But, sadly I am to say that maybe you don't see me as the perfect one for you. I won't blame you. It's your feelings, it's not my call, and I have no control on that.

And nothing I could say to express how I truly feel except the words: "I love you, I miss you, and I wish you here beside me for always and forever."

So, I kept silent, preserving all the special moments we have together in memory, preserving the pure and special look you hold to me, preserving your pride and preserving my dignity. I kept the silence and kept keeping it till I think I lost all the talk with you. I no longer feel safe to talk with you. I no longer feel talking with you makes you happy. Although I never felt it did before. But now, I fear that it would annoy you and repel you away. Now, this thought makes my heart ache. I hope I'm wrong, would you please prove me wrong??

No, don't you go away now. Don't you get mad at me. All that I wish for, is that you be sure that you're everything I dreamed of. You're everything I need. You the right one for me. Your talk, your smile, your love, your tender, your hands, your sadness, your mind, see everything you are everything I dreamed of. And maybe this is all that you need to know to realize that you're right next to the right one. Maybe when you know, you'll think about me and find me worth dreaming of too. Then please know...

My dearest.
I love you, I admit. You're my perfect.

a taken by the thought of you.

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