Monday, January 3

A state of mind

And this place will forever stay my only home. It will forever be the place I long to for healing and feeling safe.

It's sad that we don't get to keep on all the things that really please us, that at the end we've got to put up with some struggle. But actually that's what gives life a meaning and a taste. Still it's a sad fact to face.

I've learned that we shouldn't matter to the circumstances around us. If there's something we desire to accomplish, then nothing should get into our way. But, sometimes it would be more pleasing if we were only surrounded with the right atmosphere, the perfect one for us. And, I believe that it's all in our hands to create the perfect atmosphere, but even that perfect atmosphere doesn't last forever. We keep working hard and suffering to maintain that perfection we're looking for inside our heads. And that's why it's sometimes stressful, and by it I mean life.

So, I'm too sad I'm leaving that soon...I'm leaving the place where I truly feel home, the place where I become better, happier, normal and more stable. I'm only staying for a couple of days, and that isn't ever enough. I'm just getting started, and now I have to leave soon. I have only been healed but still I didn't get enough. I'm supposed to be here to give out my best, but I wasted my two days in taking from the place and not giving any. Now, I only hope that it's true, and that I got enough of what I need in order to start all over again.

Because by facing reality I'll have to leave, I cannot stay here for many reasons that I also believe in. It gets complicated when you have to choose between two things that are both right. It's hard to decide when you have to consider others, as well as yourself. And although that decision is totally for your own sake and everyone around you is ready to do anything for your own relief, it's still hard to say that this's how things will be, they will be the way you and only you want them to be. That's how I think and that's why I'll leave.

It's just a state of mind. A state I build in my mind saying that I'm better staying here rather than going back there. So, maybe if I just switch places - in my head; if I just create another state of mind. If I just become more focused on the end of the road and not on how the road is paved. For I believe it all happens in your head, the reality you think you're living came from inside you and no one but you.
I hope it's as simple as this. I believe I can make it. I promise, I'm trying.

I still have one more day to spend here in the place I call my home. And I'm getting the best I could ever get out of here, I'm getting the best I could get out that one day left.

And to make my first days of this new year remarkable, I'm marking them by spending them here in my best place ever.

And I'm coming back again...